Love: (1) feels like nails and splinters; causes a stabbing pain in one’s side and feels like having one’s beard pulled (2) a large intersecting wooden structure carried upon a parent’s shoulder after childbirth; everyone has their own to bear (3) meant to be carried in quiet joy every day, forever

Sleep: a pleasant state of rest that exists only in one’s dreams

Nutrition: a necessary additive to food that exponentially declines as pleasant flavor increases

Summersaults: (1) a life-threatening form of entertainment by adults for children, usually off the edge of the bed. Boys expect their fathers to do at least one-hundred each day. (When I do them I look like an elderly James Kirk with sore knees.) Summersaults are best performed in slow motion to minimize the risk of facial and cranial trauma (2) repeated opportunity to examine one’s navel

Legos: proof of the act of creation and existence God, and His love of humanity

Karate: an ancient form of entertainment performed by children upon their father’s head, face and groin

Batman and Robin: proof that wearing pajamas in public causes super powers and the swooning of high school cheerleaders

Bat mobile: (1) sleigh of the gods, chariot of man-boys (2) the only vehicle suitable for crime-fighting, grocery shopping, and driving to church, soccer practice, school and the movies

Dinosaurs: immensely large creatures that live in the backyards of children everywhere, although reclusive they can be seen by pure-hearted believers, occasionally seen in closets, under the bed and on the toilet

Tooth paste: a refreshing medical gel used for cleaning one’s mouth; causes a state of panic and hysteria in children adversely affecting their ability to reason, stand and comprehend basic directions

Tooth brush: a multi-function cleaning tool used primarily in one’s mouth, but may also be used by small children to clean the base of the toilet, the bath tub and between little toes

Profanity: (1) a kind of sportsmen’s prayer used excessively by men when pounding nails, playing baseball and paying for a full tank of gas (2) a frequent, sincere request by fathers who are driving, for God’s immediate damnation of idiots. These prayers are best made silently as they cause wives to become unreasonable and children to repeat the prayer incessantly for the rest of the day

Future: (1) an invisible weight worn by parents who value their child’s education, health and happiness (2) a humorous state of fantasy maintained by parents who think the house will become less cluttered as their child grows and matures

Curiosity: the constant state of a child’s mind, especially energized by the sight of butterflies, cupcakes, balloons and pennies. Additional stimulants include: the dog’s butt, diapers, squashed bugs and bras

Hot Wheels: What it’s all about

“Whoever finds his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake, will find it.”

Matthew 10:39

 

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